Criticism - There Are No Two Ways Around It.

You will quickly learn, that while pregnant, people will not hesitate to ask you about your boobs or vagina.  People will ask you the same questions over and over.  Do you have any names picked out?  Do you have any cravings?  Do you want a boy or a girl?  Do you think you're having a boy or a girl?  You will have to think of creative ways to answer these questions, and you will also have to pretend that it's the first time you've heard them.  Cravings?  Oh, hmm... well, I don't know... I guess, lately, I've kind of been craving ....."  You can make up anything.  People will be pleased with any answer. 

People will insist that they can read your body and tell you what you are having.  If you get to it first and tell them you are having a boy, for example, they will nod accordingly and insist, "I know.  I could tell.  You're carrying low."

After you have your baby, everyone's favourite topic is breastfeeding.  It is anyone and everyone business what you are doing with your boobs.  People are very passionate about it.  Are you doing it?  Are you not doing it?  You will then have to hear their breastfeeding stories.   

Another favourite is talking to you via the baby.  "Did mummy change your bum this morning?"  "Did mummy feed you your dinner yet?"  "Did you give mummy a hard time today?" 

You have a name, I'm assuming?  There is no longer a need for it.  You will now only be referred to as "mummy" or some variation of that. 

People will also ask you questions about your baby and then supply you with their own answer. 

Is that a birthmark?  Oh, you must have had too many onions/milk/nightmares when you were pregnant. 

Is it just me or is his head a little flat?  You should try sleeping him on his tummy. 

He's not sleeping!?  Still??!  Maybe his room is too dark.  Maybe his room is too light.  Maybe he doesn't like his room.  Maybe it's too quiet.  Maybe it's too noisy.  

Does he poop every day?  You're probably not feeding him enough.

Does he poop every day?  You're probably feeding him too much. 

He's crying.  Maybe his hungry?  Maybe he's tired?  Maybe he's wet?  Maybe he's scared?  Maybe he's cold?  Maybe he's hot?  Maybe he's got gas? 

Maybe he's just crying because he's a baby. 

When someone asks you how old your baby is, they will immediately begin reciting their kids' accomplishments.  "He's how old?  Oh... mine was crawling by that age, walking by that age, toilet trained by that age.  Reciting the alphabet by that age.  How many teeth does he have? 3?  Mine had 4 by that age."   I don't understand the competition.  All kids eventually learn how to walk, use the toilet and recite the alphabet.  And there are very few children in grade 6 still wearing diapers.  I do not have a medical background, but I can assure you that the growth speed of baby teeth has nothing to do with intellect.  What's the rush?

I used to think that mums who went on and on about how wonderful everything is were full of it, "Oh, little Johnny slept through the night from the moment we brought him home from the hospital, he latched onto my breast the first time and I swear, he never cries.  I just don't know how I made it through life this far without him...."  (barf), but I've come to realize that these mums are actually the smart ones.  Make up a bunch of crap and pretend that everything is eezy-peezy so that you don't have to put up with everyone's comments.   Not a bad idea.  

The thing is, unfortunately, you are not the first person to have a baby.  So everyone who has had a baby before you, is an expert.  Everything that you are dealing with, they already have.  I'm sure the comments/advice/lectures stem from love and care, but it can be annoying and it can be upsetting.  So, bite your tongue, and do what YOU think is best for YOUR baby.  You're the boss, applesauce. 

Amy